Tuesday, August 20, 2013

the world has gone mad

There is so much backward logic in the world. Has it always been this way? (a question I find myself asking a lot.......)

Once upon a time in a different life, I had a husband who left me. He ran off to another town with another woman and said many hurtful, horrible things to me. And during those times, back in those olden days, he posted on his MySpace wall (I told you it was the olden days) a quote attributed to Dr. Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I knew it was a virtual slap-in-the-face to me, the bitter ex-wife who criticized his choices and who he was. And it infuriated me because that's not what that quote is meant for, damnit!

I knew he took some smug solace in the knowledge that Dr. Seuss, of all people, approved of him being who he was and that I didn't matter, nor did my opinion. And oh it burned me up inside.

I see this all the time, and I suppose it's much more in my face because of the internet. But every day, I see dozens of examples of people bastardizing some quote that was meant to inspire. They post these quotes and and use them to justify bad/damaging/unhealthy behaviors.

And they are everywhere. There is no shortage of fun little quotes on the internet. Heck, I have a board of them on Pinterest, as do many others.

But lately....I feel jaded when I read them. Just a million and one more excuses to justify shitty behavior/actions.

I see my friends doing it and, oh, it burns me up inside. People I know who are smart and good and kind and wonderful.....and they are also being deliberately obtuse with regard to their own emotional intelligence.

I want to shake them sometimes. "No! Don't make excuses to settle! Don't make excuses to accept less than you deserve! Don't make excuses to waste another year less happy than you could be!"

It doesn't burn as badly as that stupid quote my stupid ex posted that one stupid time on stupid old MySpace. (Sorry, Dr. Seuss....you know I don't really think you're stupid.....) But sometimes, reading these quotes and how seeing how folks corrupt them.....it burns a tiny bit.

I sat thinking about this while on Pinterest this morning. I should just stop pinning quotes. I mean...what if I'm just as guilty? What if I've done the same thing? I probably have. That thought burns a bit, too.

It's just another frustrating thing that people do that I have no control over that makes me just want to throw my computer out the window and take my kids to a remote patch of land in Montana and never be heard from again.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

100 words - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

Her name is strongly Japanese, although she looks anything but. Through the grainy veil of a webcam, though, she can be anything you want her to be I suppose.

"You're so strong" she says as you suit up in your gi for her. Of course your lessons ended years ago and you haven't actually practiced. Although you'll tell anyone who will listen that you will kick their ass if you have to.

"What is that over there?" she asks, gesturing towards the corner of the room. The little toy robot is your daughters. But you lie and say it's yours.


This entry is for my friend Lance's 100 Word Song writing prompt. This weeks is 100 words based on the song Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Friday, August 9, 2013

what love is like

A friend wrote (or at least half wrote) a very beautiful story about how she got together with her fiance.

It reminds me a lot of my relationship with M. We struggled for years and years. And I got to a point where it hurt too badly to be with him so I ended our friendship. We were both in horrible, horrible spaces when we met and for a couple of years after...and it just wasn't our time.  And like Ally, I got to a point where I really had to so some soul searching and decide what I was willing to live with......the pain of just being friends or the pain of living without him.


M and I had dated (poorly) and broken up (even more poorly). We didn't speak for a while, but of course that didn't last either. We struggled and argued for months and decided to start all over as friends. The point was to build a solid friendship, but I admit I had an ulterior motive. I figured "Yeah, we build a friendship....so we can be together". How awful to build a friendship on false pretenses. I think I knew how awful it was back then, I just didn't want to admit it.

Anyways....so for months we "worked on a friendship". Well... he worked. He worked very very hard at becoming a very good friend to me. And over the course of a few short months, he became my best friend.

One day we had this totally random unplanned day out. We went and explored the city and ended up getting tattoos together (no, not matching!). And it was just such a fun, awesome, easy, great, purely happy day.

And at the end of that day when we dropped me off and went off to do something else, I sat in my living room and cried because I knew that I had to accept that he would never love me like I loved him. But he was now my best friend and I couldn't just walk away. And I had to finally and truly accept that we were just friends and nothing more and that chapter was over.

That day was one of the best and worst days of that year. It was so so great and so so sad. But finally...after three years of struggle...I finally accepted the romance just wasn't there and decided it was time to move on and figure out how to get over this man while having him as my best friend.

And I gave up. And it was about two months later that he came to me one night and professed his love for me and hasn't left my side since. And when I told him about my recollection of the awesome/awful day, he laughed at me and said "That's funny, because that's the day I realized I could never be just friends with you".

Funny how life works out like that.


I really have no idea how Ally's story ends but I want to know. Well, obviously it ends well because he put a ring on it and the are wedding planning. But if you happen to read this and happen to read hers too, please go pester her to finish her story.