giving

Something I've noticed lately....

The more capable a person is of replacing a resource they have, the least likely they are to part with it.

another "ah-ha"

I have a few friends who I know are not particularly happy within themselves. It radiates from them. (Wow, which just made me realize how it must have been the same for me.........)

And they are constantly trying to change things. Nothing meaningful, but things that are easy to change. And I'm not judging. Because I used to be the same way. I'd get fed up and get a new job or we'd move or I'd color my hair crazy or cut it all off. Something that was within my control.

When I was unhappy, I changed what I felt like I could control.

Except it never worked because my hair or my job wasn't what was fundamentally making me unhappy.

Your happiness is pretty much entirely internal. It's virtually always a choice. It sounds so cliche and silly but it's so hard to accept and understand. I get it. There are so many seemingly huge outside factors that we think make us unhappy........but the only thing ever really keeping us unhappy is ourselves. We just don't realize the power we have over certain aspects of our lives.

And watching my friends struggle with that and watching them be as blind as I was is so frustrating.

Sometimes I just want to run up to people and hold their hand and say "You can be happier!!! It's right within your reach!!!"

But, the other cliche is true..........everyone has got to walk their own path.

But yeah......it just hit me today. I did a lot of stupid things and tried to change a lot of stupid things that were unimportant because I thought they were the only things I could control. And I thought if I could change what I could control, I would be happier.

So many crazy, disconnected leaps in logic.....

owning

I know lots of people who are perfectly aware of what their issues are. They will tell you about them all the time.

Knowing what your issues are is one thing. But constantly talking about them isn't a solution.

Just because you are willing to tell everyone in the world what your issues are doesn't mean you are doing anything positive. Sometimes it's  just an excuse to keep doing what your doing that is making you unhappy.

high maintenence

I'm ok with being the girl who takes a half hour to do her hair in the morning.

I have friends.....more often than not they are mom friends....who seem oddly proud of the fact that they put no effort into their appearance.

How many conversations have you heard that entail statements like "Oh, there's no way I'm spending a half hour getting ready in the morning!" or "I want a haircut where I can just get out of the shower and go".

And in my head I'm thinking....really? You want to look like that lady that just gave up? That's what you aspire to, walking around Target in ill-fitting, snot stained yoga pants? Your goal is to look like you don't give a shit about yourself? Really?

Don't get me wrong. There is a time and place for everything. I've had my days of dealing with two sick kids till 4am and having to find my way to a pharmacy in my PJs and a baseball cap because my hair was so bad. I've had days where I was just fucking depressed and sad and over it and didn't get out of my ill-fitting yoga pants all day. But those are rare days. Those are the exception, not the norm.

It doesn't seem like a bucking of the system so much as it seems like an "aw, fuck it...I just don't care".

I have friends who give me more than a fair share of shit when they find out how long it takes me to do my hair or who sometimes mock how many pairs of sandals I have.  And I will confess....it annoys me that somehow it makes me less of a woman in the eyes of some because I put effort into my appearance.

I'm  never going to be the most put-together lady. I'm a clutz and I spill and I couldn't keep a pair of white shorts clean to save my life. But I'm  still going to do my hair and usually put on some make up and at least try to look like I made an effort.

simple as it should be

I have these clients. A very young couple with their first kid. I'm pretty sure they don't have a computer and if they do, they certainly don't spend any time on parenting websites.

They do everything "wrong". They've been putting all kinds of baby food in the bottle since the baby was 3 months old. She sleeps with a big fluffy blanky. And whenever she would toss her binky on the floor, the mom picks it up, sucks the dirt off in her own mouth, and then pops it back in the baby's mouth. Without knowing it, they have been "sleep training" her.....if they put her down for bed, they don't go back in if she's crying and they know she's ok. She has a bit of a runny nose and instead of checking with a doctor, the mom says "well, I heard that's normal for teething, so why waste the $15 co-pay?"

When I first met them, I have to admit....I was a little appalled at all the things they do "wrong" with this baby. I was a little judgey. They'd take her and leave at the end of the day and I'd sit down with my fiance and tsk tsk over whatever stupid thing I saw that day.

But I've noticed something else.

Their little girl is just the happiest little baby I've ever known. And, for as wrong as it is, she sucks down her baby-food laden bottles and is thriving. She's wicked smart and, honestly, seems a little more advanced than a lot of other babies I've known. She goes down for her naps like a champ, cause she knows it's nap time. She doesn't seem to have any weird gas or poop problems.

And something else I've noticed. Her parents are the most chill, relaxed, easy going parents of an infant I've ever know. They clearly ENJOY their little baby so incredibly much. There is very little stress coming from them when it comes to their baby. They just love her so much and love being parents to her.

No one is telling them they are doing it wrong. And they aren't second guessing themselves every five seconds and losing sleep over things they can't control. They don't have a dozen voices each day in their face making them question themselves. They are just doing what feels right and what seems to be making their baby happy and living life and loving their baby.

I mean....what do you think is really worse for a kid in the long run............
Eating baby cereal a month too early? Or spending a good few years living with stressed out, anxious parents who don't enjoy what they are doing?

social

Social media makes me feel lonely.

I bet there were less lonely people in the world before the internet.