lesson

Today a friend did what lots of people like to do on Facebook...use it as a platform to rant about how something other people were doing was stupid.

And, IMHO, it was a stupid complaint. Yes, people do stupid things all the time. Posting about it on FB just makes you look like a pretentious douche.

I nearly went to post that very sentiment as my FB status. And as I was typing.....*DING*.....lightbulb. Reality check.

I'm gonna go on Facebook and passively aggressively complain about how someone else is doing something stupid and suggest they chill? 

Oh yeah. I'm the douche. 

Time to go chill.

sexism

As I'm reading a commentary on the Steubenville rape trial outcome, I get an email.

A Groupon for Pole-Dancing classes.

Oh, the irony.

Because those aren't marketed to dudes. Because dudes don't need to be fit or sexy to be attractive  but women not only need to be fit to be considered sexy, they also need to act like sex workers.

And I'm reading actual comments about how the Steubenville rapists will have their lives ruined "worse" than the girl who was raped and it all goes hand in hand.

People think it's all harmless. Pole dancing classes and jokes about how dumb women are or how bad of drivers we are. They think it's all harmless. They think they aren't sexist. And that's probably the most harmful thing we have going in society today....the latent "harmless" sexism that no one sees. The comments that are part of the problem but no one will admit it. The people who think they are the exception to the rule and they aren't really sexist so it's ok for them to make damaging comments about women that they wouldn't normally make about men.

I don't believe there is anything harmless. In 2013 when we have a 16 year old girl going to a party and getting raped and people feeling sorry for the boys who raped her......there is no neutral ground. There is no joke about women that is ok. It all helps or hurts, but there is no middle.

I feel overwhelmed with how deeply sexist our society is and how much people deny it. Women cry "sexism!" and are dismissed. We even need dudes to validate that something is, indeed, sexist.  Men don't see it and don't experience it, so we have less men to validate that it does exist. Women pander to it, mostly without knowing, and are probably the worse perpetrators of it.

I just wonder....has it gotten better....or has it just gotten more subtle, more clever. If we've figured out smarter ways to perpetuate sexism.....is it ever going to end? Will teenage girls always have to prove they aren't sluts when they get assaulted?

today's prayer

Dear Lord,

I pray that you make me worthy of the man you have given me.

friends

I think a lot about what has changed over the past few generations. I wonder how much the internet and constant communication and hyper-information has affected things, like our relationships with others. I often wonder if the definition of friendship has been changed with our generation.

I feel like maybe people don't want real friends anymore. Or maybe they never did, it's just that now we know so much more about the personal lives of others that it's more evident. Anyways....

It seems like no one feels they should be questioned. Everyone feels entitled to be right and be comfortable all the time. And that translates into relationships and friendships that don't really feel....authentic or connected, at least to me.

If you can't say to someone you really care about "Hey, maybe that's not the best choice", that's not really a very close relationship. If you have to support every single thing someone does.....even when it's unhealthy or destructive or hurtful.....that's kind of fake, right?

I feel like there is a lesson for me right now. Because I find myself in a lot of relationships where I'm sitting here watching people I care about struggle and make repeated bad choices and do things that are really self-destructive. But I know....they don't want to hear anything other than affirmations of the choices they've  made. I've learned that more often than not when someone asks for advice, they are really just asking for affirmations of what they already have decided.

Most people don't want to be told they are wrong. Which is a totally understandable thing. I wonder if it's become extreme in the age of the internet. If we are so disconnected by screens that it makes it really easy to avoid our critic. We an so readily access people who will affirm any choice we make on any given day. And when someone says something we don't like? *CLICK* they are unfriended or hidden or we blast of an email. Easy.

I've felt a little overwhelmed lately with people I care about asking my advice about really deep things they are going through. Knowing they don't truly want advice. Sitting on my hands while they fall into a cycle that is going to hurt them.

Because I know if I speak any truth, they will be angry. I  know if I say anything that could be remotely construed as critical, I may lose that friend. 

I hate it. I hate it so much. I feel like there is a glaring spotlight on many of my friendships. God is pointing his giant finger right at them, tapping me on the shoulder and trying to tell me something about my own inauthenticity. But I am not entirely sure what.

I feel like just a horrible human being, though. Sometimes, sitting silent, I feel like the absolutely worst friend in the world.

I got an email from a friend the other day that said something about learning how people tick. And learning how to talk to people in a way they will hear. And maybe that's what I'm supposed to be learning out of all of this. How to talk to my friends in their own language. 

Or maybe I'm just supposed to be learning how to shut up. Most people simply do not want my opinion on their life. Maybe I just have to learn to accept that and find peace in that. All I can do is pray and be present. Maybe being a good friend is about respecting your friends choices, even if they are unhealthy.

I don't know.