Wednesday, March 13, 2013


I think a lot about what has changed over the past few generations. I wonder how much the internet and constant communication and hyper-information has affected things, like our relationships with others. I often wonder if the definition of friendship has been changed with our generation.

I feel like maybe people don't want real friends anymore. Or maybe they never did, it's just that now we know so much more about the personal lives of others that it's more evident. Anyways....

It seems like no one feels they should be questioned. Everyone feels entitled to be right and be comfortable all the time. And that translates into relationships and friendships that don't really feel....authentic or connected, at least to me.

If you can't say to someone you really care about "Hey, maybe that's not the best choice", that's not really a very close relationship. If you have to support every single thing someone does.....even when it's unhealthy or destructive or hurtful.....that's kind of fake, right?

I feel like there is a lesson for me right now. Because I find myself in a lot of relationships where I'm sitting here watching people I care about struggle and make repeated bad choices and do things that are really self-destructive. But I know....they don't want to hear anything other than affirmations of the choices they've  made. I've learned that more often than not when someone asks for advice, they are really just asking for affirmations of what they already have decided.

Most people don't want to be told they are wrong. Which is a totally understandable thing. I wonder if it's become extreme in the age of the internet. If we are so disconnected by screens that it makes it really easy to avoid our critic. We an so readily access people who will affirm any choice we make on any given day. And when someone says something we don't like? *CLICK* they are unfriended or hidden or we blast of an email. Easy.

I've felt a little overwhelmed lately with people I care about asking my advice about really deep things they are going through. Knowing they don't truly want advice. Sitting on my hands while they fall into a cycle that is going to hurt them.

Because I know if I speak any truth, they will be angry. I  know if I say anything that could be remotely construed as critical, I may lose that friend. 

I hate it. I hate it so much. I feel like there is a glaring spotlight on many of my friendships. God is pointing his giant finger right at them, tapping me on the shoulder and trying to tell me something about my own inauthenticity. But I am not entirely sure what.

I feel like just a horrible human being, though. Sometimes, sitting silent, I feel like the absolutely worst friend in the world.

I got an email from a friend the other day that said something about learning how people tick. And learning how to talk to people in a way they will hear. And maybe that's what I'm supposed to be learning out of all of this. How to talk to my friends in their own language. 

Or maybe I'm just supposed to be learning how to shut up. Most people simply do not want my opinion on their life. Maybe I just have to learn to accept that and find peace in that. All I can do is pray and be present. Maybe being a good friend is about respecting your friends choices, even if they are unhealthy.

I don't know. 

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