what ails me

I am beginning to think that this year is the year God really teaches me that I don't know anything.

Last year I learned a lot and changed a lot. But in all that new life, I was (and still am) just a baby. It's one thing to really learn things. It's one thing to come to a point of truly believing the truth.

But it's an entirely different thing to walk it every single day. And in a way, life can be harder when your eyes are opened to certain truths. I know how I'm supposed to respond or behave in certain situations. I know the answer! I know exactly what I'm supposed to do.

And I cannot bring myself to do it. I fail over and over and over. I know how I should respond or think or act....but actually doing what I know I'm supposed to do has been a huge struggle for me this year.

It's almost some weird curse, having the knowledge of how to make your life better. Because when you know, it feels like that much greater a failure when you aren't able to quite do it.